Soaked

She soaks her skin in a warm bath. The dim light of the candles around the bathroom creates haunting images on the walls. For most children, those images would cause an increased heart rate and their imagination to enter a dark place. For her, she relaxes in its nightmarish embrace. She closes her eyes and replays their last argument in her head. He had these unrealistic demands on her. She loved him as much as she knew how, but that wasn't enough for him. He had this amazing talent to manipulate her so that she would give him what he wanted. The love they felt evaporated months ago, but denial kept it satisfactory. When he left that night she trusted him. She gained that trust over many nights of doubt and facing past triggers. Almost three years of push and pull towards a sense of understanding and it all disintegrated in a single night.

           She knew he was different until he proved her wrong. He demanded so much sexual attention that he had to pay for his emotionless fix that she so-called neglected to fulfill. She felt numb. Her heart became guarded the moment it was destroyed by his infidelity. He pleaded remorse, but eventually retracted his misguided feelings. He tried validating his actions by blaming her faults, by blaming her issues, by blaming her past. She watched him slowly consume more and more alcohol to deny his reality. The smell of his growing resentment was like a lite match to a can of gasoline.

          She opens her eyes and stares at the faucet in the tub. Her toes touch the metal and droplets of warm water trickle down. She gets out and dries herself off. She stares in the mirror wondering why things had to end this way. That night he wanted her to die, that night he pushed her down and darkness was seen in his eyes. At that moment she knew she needed to run. Fear without obligation was the catalyst to her escape. That was his last drunken attempt to sexually coerce her into his guilt-ridden demands.

 CLM