Note to Self: Heart in Surrender

Right before July 1st I was told that I had 30 days to find a new living situation. I had put off the inevitable for far too long and allowed my depression to be an excuse for my complacency. With the job search and housing research my prayer life became not just necessary but it became a knee-dropping plea. I have actively been surrendering the unanswered questions and mystery components to God. 

My faith is secure, but I haven’t maintained as much community as I would like. That battle of feeling like a burden really chained me down this last season. I would listen to sermons but not really slow down or direct 100% of my attention. The distractions around me were louder than The last few months Sandals Church has gone through a series called ‘How to Pray’ and man, was it necessary. 

I forced myself to slow down and rest in my own reality. I had to acknowledge where I fell short and made the changes that God required me to make. I laid the rest at the cross. If you don’t know what that means, it basically means I give God whatever stresses me out and relinquish things that I don’t have control over. I can’t dwell on the past. 

This week God showed up and I felt so much of his grace. I prayed that if it wasn’t in his will for me to get his new job that he would confirm it and quickly, but each step of the way he allowed me to feel like I was moving in the right direction. I may not have all the answers right now, but I know that as long as I put in the work, God will always provide. Prayers are always answered, maybe not in the way we had hoped, but there will always be growth in an active faith.