Note to Self: Pick up your mat and move!
If you aren’t familiar with scripture there’s a story in the Book of John Chapter 5 about a man being healed from his disabilities. He remained doing the same thing even though he was healed and Jesus told him to pick up his mat and move. That was the super quick rundown translation of it. This is my ‘mat moving moment’.
For the past 8 months these halls were not just my home but where I worked for almost four years. I kept myself in this little hotel bubble for as long as I could. I was overwhelmed with what I went through last year and realized how I failed myself and others. I sunk into a depression until I started to drown from the consequences of my actions.
On my last morning I felt so much encouragement. I invested my time in developing relationships with people who also walked those same halls. They weren’t just a ‘Guest’ to me. I wanted to know who THEY were. I wanted them to feel safe and knew that I genuinely cared. Goodbyes are hard for me and today was a very difficult day for me.
I repacked about three different times and set aside things that were not a ‘must have’ item. I spent all last year creating my last studio into a home and everything I got for that I had to leave behind. It’s been very humbling. I think that’s why I am so apprehensive to get furniture because I haven’t really had stability as an adult. I wanted a clean new start and I had to reorganize and prioritize what was worth keeping.
One of my aunts helped me with the rental car. Getting that car was simple, but it was pretty difficult when my cousin showed up and voiced her opinion on the situation. If I didn’t already feel like a burden, she amplified that feeling ten-fold. My heart broke because I just felt shamed for accepting my aunts help.
I want to make it clear, any ounce of kindness from someone is not an obligation. If you can, great! If you can’t, great! I don’t care! I have been working so hard to put the option out there and make sure that it never once came across entitled-to something or demanding.
Today was a long day. Oxnard, CA to Gallup, NM with a furbaby. She did really well but decided to pee on her unicorn during LA traffic. I went through Arizona and jammed out to Spotify playlists. I stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn and set up base-camp for Leviticus. I had to revise my whole set up again because I need to know what to take to the room and what to leave in the car.
Once I figured out that system I needed to figure out my method of where things will fit in the car to make it a quick unloading and loading time. My goal is to make it quick enough so Leviticus can relax for as long as possible.
I had a room in mind before I left, but I found out that the townhome required Leviticus to be declawed. That specific procedure is illegal in California due to its inhumane nature. When I was a vet tech in Las Vegas I remember watching the doctor use instruments to break the knuckle of the kitten and basically amputate part of the paw. It’s horrific.
I don’t know where I am going to live and I’m in constant prayer with it. I am going to be waking up early tomorrow to dive into apartment hunting so I hope to find something soon!
